"Fools Are My Theme

     “I’m sorry. I’m new to this,” the hooded figure says, as she begins flipping through some of the papers on her clipboard. I just stare, bewildered by what can only be an elaborate prank. There is an abnormally tall, black-robed, scythe grasping figure standing on my porch. And it isn’t even halloween.      “Um. That’s alright,” I mutter, more out of instinct than actual politeness. The hooded figure sighs.      “Do you mind if I take this hood off? My supervisor says we’re not supposed to, but it is so hot out here,” she pulls the hood back, and there is suddenly a head where there used to be only impenetrable void.      She’s pale, with short black hair. What I thought was some horrifying hell sound is proved to be only the smacking of her gum, which she chews far too loudly.      “You seem kind of young for this,” I try and make conversation as she continues flipping through papers, but my attempt soun...

When the merchant had wished for a son, no matter what the circumstances, he had not in his wildest dreams thought that those circumstances might be that his son would be the unholy combination of hedgehog and human. He knew something was wrong when the midwife shouted and dropped the child on the ground with a thud so she could pull a quill from one of her fingers. As he glanced at his newborn child, he began to regret his wish. The child’s snout pointed up at his father curiously and his wide eyes glittered with hope. The merchant turned away and retched. Out of spite, he named his newborn Hans My Hedgehog, the sort of alliteration typically reserved for children’s books and poetry. This name also ensured the child would always be branded with his deformity as his defining feature. The merchant smirked at his cleverness. However, the merchant did have a heart, so, he let the child stay until it could be decided if any money could be made of this ridiculous situation. Over the yea...